by Xerxes Praetorius Horde & friend
Like many musicians out there regardless of their current public identity, I too have spent time in the music biz playing the part of the organic jukebox to unappreciative audiences at weddings, parties and schmoozy corporate fundraisers . In fact, at least 2 or 3 other members of the New Jacobin Club have made their extra spending money (or…ah…rent money) this way. A friend of mine came up with this list one night after tearing down at an event while chug-a-lugging a few cans of Pilsner. I couldn’t resist entering it into my iPhone’s notepad, and whadaya know, a few months later I came across it!
A number of these things do happen to the NJC when we perform, but the list that follows will hit home more with those of you who have played in cover bands, wedding bands, or in small town bars…
While it can be argued that neurosurgeons save lives and musicians often ruin them, the differences between these jobs are not always apparent to people outside these lines of work. Nevertheless, here are 10 things that you may not have considered that make these professions different from each other:
10. Musicians get to bring beer on stage with them. Neurosurgeons don’t get to bring beer to the operation.
9. Neurosurgeons don’t get a sudden outburst of drunken applause when they complete the operation.
8. Musicians have to deal with strangers jumping on stage, getting in front of the nearest microphone and attempting to sing along. While a neurosurgeon is performing an operation, no drunken fan of surgical procedures grabs a scalpel to help out by doing some amateur cuttin’ of their own.
7. Musicians frequently get requests for songs they don’t do, or aren’t planning on playing. Neurosurgeons don’t ever hear “HEY MAN! Can you do a vasectomy for me? C’MON!”
6. After a surgery, a neurosurgeon never has to hear from some guy how his nephew is a pretty good up and coming surgeon, and that next time he should be allowed to get up and do some cuttin’ too.
5. Sometimes musicians throw their used guitar picks or drumsticks out at their appreciative audience. Neurosurgeons have no appreciative audience to toss their used scalpel at.
4. Neurosurgeons don’t get sweaty guys with a beer in one hand trying to fist-bump them while they’re in the middle of doing their job.
3. Neurosurgeons don’t make any extra cash selling t-shirts after the operation.
2. When a musician does a good job, the audience cheers them back on stage and you hear “Thank you! You all kick ass! We’re gonna play a couple more songs for you!” You’ll never hear a neurosurgeon say “Thank you! You rule! Let’s cut this dude open ONE MORE TIME!!”
1. Neurosurgeons don’t get asked to perform an operation for free because “it will be great exposure for you.”